A victim of incest, rape, or any of the abuse issues has suffered a breaking of trust, many times with a person of significance in their life such as a parent, sibling, husband, relative etc. While biblical restoration, reconciliation, and restitution are important, broken trust can hinder the matter. When the person involved is in your immediate family, meaning that you have ongoing contact and relationship, it is important to forgive and then in a very guarded way begin to rebuild trust in that person.
1. Trusting a violator requires accountability
-Example: Let’s assume that your father molested you when you were seven years old. Today, you are thirty-something. Today you have two children ages 5 & 7.
– I feel my father cannot be trusted to be alone with my children. Father and I have talked. I have confronted him and he has repented.
-In order for trust to be regained, it must be earned, tested and proven over time. Never assume that everything has changed just because a person repents and asks forgiveness. Most of us struggle with bad habits, lust, sexual issues and such long
after coming to Christ.
-As I give him the opportunity to prove his trustworthiness, it is my responsibility to keep him accountable.
2. What are four things to remember about living at peace with others as much as it “is possible.”
a. Never place me or my loved ones in a vulnerable position with the abuser.
b. Communicate face to face with the offender to make sure all appropriate boundaries are understood.
c. Reconciliation with a person who is unrepentant is not possible.
d. Attempts at rebuilding trust with a former offender may fail. Remind yourself: “I am only responsible for my actions and attitudes.”
3. The offender can only regain my trust if I give him or her the opportunity to be trusted again.
4. To not attempt to rebuild trust will delay or prevent reconciliation.
Review the lessons of the I Corinthians 13 love chapter.
Now affirm what is going to happen in your life WITH God’s love!
1. With God’s love I am able to have patience with others.
2. With God’s love I am going to react in a way that will promote growth and maturity in Christ in every circumstance.
3. With God’s love I am empowered to avoid reverting to manipulation or controlling others.
4. With God’s love I am never going to try to impress or perform for the approval of man.
5. With God’s love I am sure He is never against me. He delights in seeing me mature and develop in His love.
6. With God’s love I am going to extend forgiveness to those who wrong me in the future.
7. With God’s love I am never going to say there is no hope for me.
8. With God’s love I am secure knowing that because God will never leave me or forsake me that I can care for others with that same love.
9. With God’s love I am sure that no matter how bad life seems, I know that He meets me where I am and helps me even with my doubt and unbelief.
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