If I lost a baby
If you are a victim of Pregnancy Loss: why is it important to grieve the loss of your baby?
Ask yourself Who was my baby? How can I ever know?
When any person suffers the loss of a pregnancy, there is a missing baby that must be grieved.
This grieving will either be completed and resolved in a healthy or unhealthy manner. II Corinthians 7:10 says, “For godly sorrow produces repentance, leading to salvation, not to be regretted, but the sorrow of the world produces death.”
Healthy, grieving is critical for true resolution and closure of past hurts especially abortion.
The first question that needs to be answered is “What do I feel and think about my missing baby?”
To help you process through your innermost feelings, read over the following questions and statements to begin this closure process.
a. When I think about my baby, I feel:
b. When memories of my baby come, what do I think about my baby?
c. How old do I think my baby would be today if he
or she had been allowed to live?
I think my baby was a:
[ ] little boy [ ] little girl [ ] don’t know [ ] don’t want to know
Based on the gestation age of your child at the time of the abortion, what is the estimated day this child would have been born had the abortion not occurred?
1. Abortion gestational age =________ (ex: 12 weeks)
2 Date of abortion =________ (ex: 1/20/83)
3. Projected date: 9 mos.- (A)+(B)__________
(Ex: 9 mos-3 mos.=6 mos.+1/20=7/20/83)
Have you given your aborted baby a name?
[ ] yes [ ] no
What are four key reasons that I should name my baby?
1. My child was a special unrepeatable creation of God, a miracle.
2. My child was a special gift from God to me.
3. My immediate & future thoughts about my baby will either remain a negative nightmare or become a positive memory.
4. When the pregnancy occurred, I was that child’s parent. When the decision to abort was made, I were still that child’s parent. After the child’s death, I am still that child’s parent. Only a mother or father can name his or her own child.
Two reasons why the name I pick should be a significant name.
1. The name should cause me pleasant thoughts when I
think about or hear the name rather than cause me painful thoughts.
2. The name should have a meaning that is significant to me
so that every time I hear the name it brings a positive thought to my mind that has significant meaning to me.
A review of the names of God demonstrates the importance of a name.
The many names of God in the Bible provide us with a complete portrait of His character.
The Bible provides the revelation of His name, the sacredness of His name, and the significance of His name.
GOD’S NAMES USED IN THE BIBLE HAVE SIGNIFICANT MEANING:
1. Yahweh-Jireh means “the Lord will provide” (Gen.22:14)
2. Yahweh-Nissi means “the Lord is my Banner” (Ex. 17:15)
3. Yahweh-Shalom means “the Lord is Peace” (Jdg. 6:24)
4. Yahweh-Sabbaoth means “The Lord of hosts” (1 Sam.1:3)
5. Yahweh-Maccaddeshem means “the Lord your Sanctifier” (Ex.31:13)
6. Yahweh-Roi means “the Lord my Shepherd” (Ps.23:1)
7. Yahweh-Tsidkenu means “the Lord our righteousness” (Jer. 23:6)
8. Yahweh-Shammah means “the Lord is there” (Ezek. 48:35)
9. Yahweh-Elohim Israel means “the Lord, the God of Israel” (Jdg. 5:3, Isaiah 17:6)
10.Yahweh-Rophe means “the Lord my healer”(Ex. 15:26)
l. In the tradition of ancient Hebrew women who named their children names that were full of meaning, name your aborted baby.
Pick a name that has a meaning that is special for you. Use a Name book, found in most bookstores, to look up your name to find the meaning
Adam : man of the red earth
Abraham: father of many
Frank: free landowner
Joshua: Jehovah saves
John: God is gracious
Theodore: gift of God
Samuel: heard or asked of God
Zachary: Jehovah hath remembered
Possible Name for your baby: (* Write this name down in your personal journal or diary)
j. As I reflect upon what my child’s life has meant to me. these words come to my mind: (i.e.; happy, sad, joy, beautiful, salvation, hope )
It is true that a woman cannot forget her nursing child and not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Some post-aborted individuals do different things to help them grieve the loss of their child.
Once a name has been selected and a remembrance date established, the next step is to do something that enables your heart to grieve your loss.
What are common ways I can grieve my aborted baby?:
1. Write a poem or song
2. Plant a tree in memory of your child
3. Visit an infant cemetery
4. Light a candle on the date of remembrance
5. Bury a doll, a flower, or poem
6. Write a letter about your feelings about your baby
7. Attend a memorial service for your baby
8. Read a book like “TILLY” by Frank Peretti
9. Hear an audio tape like “TILLY” by Focus on the Family
10.Hear an audio vignette of Psalm 139 & Psalm 23
11.Write a eulogy for your baby
In a support group environment, a FREE ME TO LIVE leader would provide you a small, soft handkerchief , lace, and cotton.
As an online participant, you may want to locate the small handkerchief, some lace and a wad of cotton.
The idea is to create a handmade doll called a Heritage Doll.
The purpose of this cloth icon is to help focus your thoughts, feelings and prayers around your missing baby.
Why hold this doll? Because in holding it, touching it, feeling it, maternal feelings that have been blocked by the sudden termination of the pregnancy will be rekindled.
As you answer the questions about your baby, holding this symbol of your baby will help crystallize your thinking.
Is this handkerchief doll really your baby?
Of course not. It is only a tangible and appropriate symbol that you can use as a tool, a tool to help you think and pray about your baby and to consciously let go of your past.
It serves as a tangible object lesson as we approach the final letting go or releasing stage of the process. Record your thoughts.
Some people find it very therapeutic to talk about their missing children with others who have suffered such losses.
In a group setting, you will have the opportunity to talk about your feelings concerning your baby.
Use this next series of statements to formulate your own thoughts concerning your baby.
What was the abortion date:
What is today’s date:
CALCULATE HOW OLD YOUR MISSING BABY WOULD BE NOW!
1. My baby would be _____years old now.
2. In my heart, I feel that my baby was a
[ ] boy [ ] girl [ ] don’t know [ ] don’t want to know
3. I believe that my child is that gender because:
It is obvious that you will never be able to see your child until you go to be with the Lord.
Thus, it stands to reason that on this side of heaven you will never be able to see your child unless God divinely reveals him or her to you in a dream or vision.
Therefore, in your heart of hearts, how do you choose to remember your missing son or daughter?
Recognizing the humanity and the spirituality of my baby can relieve anxiety over where my baby is and how I feel about him or her. I believe that my baby is now in:
[ ] heaven [ ] hell [ ] non-existent [ ] don’t know [ ]other
Be assured that your baby is with the Lord in Heaven. The prenatal child is an eternal being created in the image of God, capable of spiritual response. If a child dies before or shortly after birth, what is his or her destiny in the afterworld?
Here are four references that bring comfort to victims of abortion:
1. Matthew 18:10 b “Their angels always see the face of My Father”
Jesus is the one speaking. He is referring to God the Father. He is speaking about children.
The word used in the Greek is the same word used for Jesus and John the Baptist while they were in the womb.
The word is brephos in the Greek which refers to a child both in the womb or outside the womb.
2. II Samuel 12:23
In the Old Testament, David spoke about his son after his death and said these very important words: “He cannot return to me, but I shall go to him.”
His dead son could not return from the afterworld, but David had hope that one day he would be reunited with him.
“But now he is dead; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.
These are the same lips that cried “and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
There is ample reason to believe your baby has gone to an eternal dwelling place called heaven.
You can have the hope of spending eternity in heaven if you will honor God and turn from all sin, accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Savior.
3. Genesis 18:3 God told Abraham that he was going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah.
When Abraham asked, “Will you also destroy the righteous with the wicked?” The answer was clearly “NO.”
You can be assured that your prenatal child was in a state of absolute innocence, having never sinned.
Psalm 51:5 says: “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me.”
The verse speaks to the fact that man has at the root of his being a sin nature. We have all sinned since Eve took the first bite of the apple.
The verse has nothing to do with the eternal condition of the child in a pre-born condition.
Most mothers and fathers and most theologians believe that a pre-born child exists in a pure state of innocent purity though having an unregenerated sin nature.
Most also believe that a child aborted or miscarried before birth goes to be with the eternal presence of God, watching and eagerly waiting for the day you will pass from this side of heaven into eternity.
An old hymn says “When we all get to Heaven, Oh what a day of rejoicing that will be.”
4. Ecclesiastes 12:7 “Then the dust will return to the earth as it was, And the spirit will return to God who gave it. “
If it is true that God is the author of life, that He knows, names, sanctifies and fills with the Spirit before birth, it only reasons that the spirit of the aborted baby returns to God who gave it.
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